has anyone got the MP3 version of the HWGAendings?

and 
anyone have any videos to the old screamo josh used to do, that wasn't my heart.. 
with the miracle words i believe..

thnksbbz

[

Current Mood

|

calm

]

man alive,
went to Leeds Trinity And All Saints (Leeds Uni accredited college) today.
And Oh my life.
I can actually see myself there.

I was this so much.
My course looks amazing, and i'm so excited to see what's going to happen.

i don't even know what else to say.
i don't feel old enough to even be thinking about Uni's, and here i am thinking about what to put in my personal statement that'll make them want me.
and what the people are gonna be like in halls with me.


going to be spending a lot of time around Uni folks next year, be it Kirsty, Becky or Dan, i'm feeling i'm gonna be around campus at various uni's alot.
i'm gonna miss not having beck just up the road, i'm gonna LOVE having Kirsty at TASC,  because i'm going soon so it'll be mint. and Dan, well my last post speaks that :)
anytime spent will be good time.

Even though the buggers' gone out with his friends, still manages to text me. 
do miss him though :(

oh and check this beast of a band out;
www.myspace.com/thiscitysleepsuk

i'm not even joking when i say this band are gonna hit it big.
They have so much talent and potential, i am so blessed to be friends with them.

anywho, i'm over and out for now :)
i'll post more when i have something more intersting to say.

love as always,
michaela.
xxxxxx

(also, check out fractions by emery. This song really spoke to me today:) )

[	Tags	|	art, fashion, media	]
[	Current Location	|	chesterfield UK	]
[	Current Mood	|	confused	]
[	Current Music	|	pressure :)	]

Afternoon folks, unfortunately this is again maybe a slight little rant ;)

It all began yesterday, when me and my best friend went on an adventure, to the nearest shopping mall. Whilst we were in the mall, Anna noticed an art display, which in her opinion, wasn’t art because it was just a dress hung up over some water. However, I began to have a little rant at her asking what art was, and why it wasn’t art. Her response was it was ‘just’ a dress, there was no pretty pattern on the dress, and there was ‘no point’. My response to this, was why wasn’t there a point?

(I’m sat in the study room at sixth form, and she is sat next to me. Re-opening our debate)

As well as arguing over why the ‘dress’ wasn’t art, and how it ‘didn’t’ have a point, even though we walked straight passed it and didn’t stop to look at the artist insight at the foot of the stature, was besides the point, according to her it was pointless.

WE then went on to discuss whether photography was art, and she said it depended what the picture was of, for example something that is artistic *followed by raucous laughter* realising she is actually just contradicting everything she said about,  when I asked her whether a photograph of the dress would be art, she replied ‘no, it’s just a picture of a dress’

Oscar Wilde said ‘All art is contraversial’.

To me, art can be anything, it’s not necessarily about how it looks, the story behind it, or the way it effects you or the way you think about certain things.

Tatoos, Music, Photography, Drama. Everything. Art cannot be defined. The meaning behind the art. 

If this dress isn't art, because it's a mere piece of clothing, then why do we all wear different things? why do we all strive to look the best? For prom, we all spend stupid amounts of money on a dress so we look gorgeous or fashionable, but is fashion just art in a different sense? 
Can art be defined? 
Can it be put in a box?

I don't think it can, i understand everyone can have their own opinions, but i do firmly believe that people should leave art and things connected to art with an open mind, if people did this there wouldn't be some of the problems that the world has wrong with it. 
Stereotyping for one would be around less, without putting things in a box ,whether it been art in a literal sense in galleries, music, or fashion, people wouldn't feel the need to lash out stereotyping and attacking peoples way of living if they were more openminded about it.

This post has mainly just been a bit of a rant, but i've also realised that my writing isn't very good this week. I wrote in my diary and read it over and it didn't really make sense. 
Am i turning into the person i don't want to be?

Love always,
a confused Michaela x

Well, lunchtime now, I’ll post more later J

is such a shit comm lately.
by lately. i mean the past 12months.

sometimes i love it.
but sometimes, people can't take a joke, and are just knobheads.

lol@my grammaarr!

oh how i wish i was part of a decent comm that weren't so shitty and full of balls.
ergleburgle.

i've been thinking of posting for a few days.
to be honest, a lot has happened in the past few days. 
weeks. the past two weeks in specific.

i can't even describe how different i feel about things.
how scared i am of what's to come.
and how much my goals have changed.

one of my favourite bands at the minute, is set your goals.
during one of my many free periods, i was sat thinking about my english work. what i've mentioned before, 'what's in a name' and i was listening to set your goals, so i got thinking about what set your goals means.
how hard is it to set your own goals.
personally for the past 17years i've been setting my goals, that are perfectly achievable because of who i am, yet i rarely achieve my goals, because i get scared. i get scared of a lot of things. one which many of you will be perfectly aware of is my fear of commitment, i know many people our age have a 'real fear' of commitment, it's perfectly natural. though it's not just in an 'intimate' relationship i am finding i have these problems. most of these span i guess from the loss of my best friend (f), to be honest, no one that ever knew charlie remembers her, which is a wierd thing to think.
sometimes i question myself and wonder whether i actually imagined her and she was just a figment of my imagination. but thinking about it, i was always the loud one, i was always the one with the attention on me, i was always the one that got in trouble because of things that we did. or things that she did but i got the blame because i was more in my character.
Jack if you're reading this, i know you'll understand what i mean. you've said yourself, at the memorial, that things never seem right any more and friendships just aren't the same.
it's true, friendships aren't the same,but hwo do you compare a friendship anyway, i've been close to a lot of people, and i have a best friend that is so alike myself it's a little bit peculiar, seriously if you ever meet us in person, we say/think and do the same things. it's odd. but how can i compare the friendship i have in her now, to the friendship i had in charlie all those years ago.
i've matured, i'm a completley different person now. i look different, i sound different, i act different, i hardly recognise myself, so i doubt she would. i'm not saying i'm gonna 'let this go' but writing all this and writing my letter to hayley surely has helped.

a good friend, and idol of mine, said to me that i should never feel like i have to be strong and indestructable, it's ok to break down and it's ok to be sad.
be this the death of a close family member or a best friend. or anything for that matter.
if something upsets our heart, why the hell should we pretend like it doesn't.
we shouldn't. 
Emotion is not something that we should hold down, emotion is something raw and honest.
i don't know many honest people. 
and even the ones i'd say are honest, are probably the biggest bitches, the ones that are so raw to your face you don't even want to know what they say behind your back.
there are 4 people i can name, maybe five, though sometimes i know she hides things from me and we don't tell each other the whole story, but that's for our own sanity apart from anything else, but yes there are 4 people i can name who i believe to be genuinally honest.
one of whom, i mentioned earlier, and i think you all know that this person is more than just a friend to me, she is my idol and the sole inspiration for how i live today. one other, someone i met 'through' this person, and their band, an honest guy through and through, i believe whether you believe it naive or not that he would never lie to me, he really is amazing, a second also a guy i've known for two weeks today, he has been nothing but honest with me, and i hope our friendship to continue, he makes me laugh when im sad, he makes me smile when i'm in tears, he generally makes me feel wonderful, and a third, one of the only girls on this planet that has a lot in common with me but i don't realise it. i read her writings and i realise we think the same things, we want to write the same things and we have the same aspirations in life. Hayley,Chris, Dan and Luby, thankyou for being so honest with me of late. Being honest is a God send. it really is.

i told dan i'd go to bed about 40minutes ago now, and i am getting pretty weary.
i know i don't sleep all that much, in fact i worked out in my free, after being instructed to keep a diary of my sleeping patterns by the doctor the other day, that since 'the incident' shall we call it. i've had roughly 56 hours sleep.. that's 4hours a night on average. clinical insomnia. 

as much as i'm beginning to hate my reactions to things like this, and my riotus voice, 'i fucking hope the twats get what they deserve'.

i'm off guys, if you fancy a chat comment me yeah :)

love always,
Michaela.
x

[	Tags	|	influence, makeup, paramore, power, sex	]
[	Current Location	|	chesterfield!	]
[	Current Mood	|	bouncy	]
[	Current Music	|	jimmy eat world :)- chase this light!	]

i've had a really good day today :)
not for any specific reason, but it's been pretty good.
and i'm excited, because i'm off to a party in a little while, and we all know Miki likes to party!

Someone on my fave comm just posted about a favourite live video, watching everyones favourite videos is making me like happy, it's odd, like a sad happy, rather reminicent. It's a whole year since riot! came out, and how much my favourite band has grown, i remember posting a HUGE blog just before riot! came out, and then again on fathers day. I read Jamie Twlorskis blog and thought i'd post one too because i hadn't posted in a while. 
that reminds me, has anyone read any of Jamie's blog recently? he really is a genius, i bet if he wrote song lyrics, they'd be more amazing than Paramores.. (can't believe i just said that)

In other news, in english language today (only lesson of the day, get in!) we were doing a mini investigation, as to 'what's in a name'. One of the groups in our class had to investigate, the use and purpose of description of colour in lipstick and paint. Sounds boring right, but it totally got me thinking, one of the main things they pointed out, was the use of sexual 'imagery' and connotations, for example 'fox red' 'divine rose' and 'passionate pink'. I know for a fact Hayley Williams feels strongly about the fact the media and sites such as myspace and facebook could be a use and a cause for younger and younger girls using their bodies for sex and manipulating people through sex.

is this right? i think not, i mean, it happens every single day. And living in a area which is currently hold the highest teenage pregnancy rate in england, this still manages to shock me, the media - after giving us these products and putting ideas into OUR HEADS- they then critisise the way we do things, and how teenagers are living their lives. How can they do this, when it isn't us that is doing it, the fact that we are influenced by the smallest of things is something that is natural as we are TEENAGERS, we live by and for example, if something is placed infront of us and someone tells us to do it its good for us we're gonna do it. aswell as if someone says don't do it, it's not right for you, the majority of the time we're gonna do it. it's just how life works.

would we be in this mess with teenagers being thought of the way they are if it wasn't for the medias influence on the world. if there were more people like Hayley and other 'influencial' figures making a stand maybe we'd be fine, and the majority of us that are good people and just want to grow up and be like the well respected people we admire will get on with our lives and actually make something of them instead of being subjected to the crap we are subjected to in this, the year of the future 2008.

wow. i enjoyed that little rant,
on a lighter note, i intend to do my english language investigation coursework on lyrics, and how the influence of *insert something* in modern day society can effect lyrics. i do intend to base these findings on paramore lyrics.. do you think that it's a good topic idea or not? suggestions more than welcome :)

love as always,

Michaela .. x

and i decided, for keepsake i'd put it here.


<center><a href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vczE1My5waG90b2J1Y2tldC5jb20vYWxidW1zL3MyMzEvTWlraWJvLz9hY3Rpb249dmlldyZjdXJyZW50PXBhcmFtb3JlYmFubmVyLmpwZw==" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s231/Mikibo/paramorebanner.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br><center><big><b><u> are my life.</big></b></u><br>What ever you say, i'm damn sure they mean more to me than you. i've followed them since the very beginning. so don't pull the i have AWKIF trick on me.<center><br><small>but hey, be a fan just don't try and tell me your a bigger fan than me.chances are if i've met you at a gig this is no-way aimed at you, especially if i've shared the experiance with you. but the twats that know it's aimed at them. fuck off yeah?</small>
<big><big> Me and Anna are bum chums.</big></big><br>

<font color=white>TAILEND! </font color=white>
i'm seventeen.i'm single,i'd love to find someone to love me the way i want to be loved, and to hold me like there really is no tomorrow, someone to share the summer months with,i'm not looking anymore, but feel free to look for me.i hate capital letters at the moment, why should one letter be more important in a sentence than the rest? surely every letter is just as important or they wouldn't make sense all together? i'm learning guitar,one day i'll be good. i play tuba. really well, i could literally travel the world with famous orchestras if i didn't want to give up things i have here. i've made a life for myself, i've got best friends that mean more to me than anything, i've got special people who each mean something special. i have photos and memories no one else can take away from me. girls aloud was amazing, paramore are always amazing, every gig i've ever been to with you guys has been amazing just because your there. i've never laughed so hard as the times i've been with certain people. i'm not ashamed to cry at the cinema with you. i love books, one day i'm going to write one and it's going to be a best sellar. that's my dream. i'm not that hard to get along with. like my friends, i'm sure i'll like you.
<br><br>

someone today made me realise, i'm scared of loving. i always call things off before they get to serious, if someone in a relationship tells me they love me i freak out. i've watched my best friends go through hell with relationships, i've watched them destroy people, to the point of no return.i don't wanna fall in love because i don't want to hurt more than i've done in the past how ever good the feeling of love is. pain over rides most things. i hate cheating with a passion. who ever you are, it makes me angry and makes me sick. there isn't an excuse. i know people that cheat and do it all  the time, i believe once a cheater always a cheater. unless your one of my best friends i probably wont hold any respect for you. but hey, some people do things differently to others, who am i to judge? precisely. i'm no one to judge how you do things. i've assisted people in cheating and no one ends up not hurt. fact. it's twatish. don't do it.
<br><big><big><big>
05.06.08. Best day of my life :).<Br><br><br></big></big></big>
<small><center> It really annoys me how people say that they love a band, and then don't know even their most popular songs, or have only heard one song, but declare they are in love with them. This particularly annoys me with Jimmy Eat World, mainly because they have come such a long way since the begginning, not that i've been there since the beginning, and i'm not gonna claim i'm a die hard fan because i don't know half the things i could about them, but i do want to know more.
I've loved Paramore for a long time. I understand they are a band. I understand they have issues because they are on tour all the time, yet i will still follow them as far as i can because that's what dedicated fans do.My profile will always revolve around Paramore, and always has. I don't just go and see them and then coat my profile in a fresh layer of Hayley. It's always like this. Because i love them.The only time i'd change it, would be if one of the Paramore members, told me to change it. Get it yet?!</center></small>
<br>
i'd like to know more about these bands, and hear more music. post me a mixtape with a listing and i'll be happy for a long time :); mewithoutyou, new found glory, jimmy eat world, something corporate, say anything, set your goals, my american heart, conditions, jacks mannequin, phantom planet, paper route, death cab for cutie, H20, sunny day real estate, thrice, john mayer, deftones, james taylor, rascal flatts, etta james, the cure, refured, chaka khan, johnny cash, hod rod circuit, mew, eilsley, taylor sorenson,between the trees,underOath (acceptable capital letter :P), four years strong.and lots more.

[	Tags	|	death in the park	]
[	Current Location	|	my bedroom.	]
[	Current Mood	|	contemplative	]
[	Current Music	|	DITP	]

well we all know how i feel about the 'paramore crew' 
aaron was by far always my favourite..(sorry guys)

so, i am stoked by the demos Death in the park have released, 
i must say.. i love them all.

Fallen is my favourite, not just because it has our Hayley in it, but just because it's rate good.
haha, it's just really lovely, the lyrics are so meaningful. and i dunno, they just seem to relate to alot.

hmm.

other bands i've been listening to a lot of recently include ; set your goals, jimmy eat world and new found glory.

A friend recently invited me to see NFG with them in Nov, i'm so stoked for that, it's gonna be amazing,
gutted i couldn't see them in Feb with Paramore, but still i'm so excited and it's not till nov.

todays been a good day overall, just regular lessons at school, nothing too interesting, though in english lit we began
our module on exploring texts, which meant we got to read a load of stuff from the 'romance' genre which was cool
i really love the book Emma by Jane Austen, and we got to read a good extra which was cool.
this is a really pointless blog, the only thing i really wanted to discuss was the top bit about DITP. but after that was done i thought i'd delve into my day.

How's your day been?
just because i know i've always wondered it, what are your top five favourite songs?
(if you're a paramore fan, no more than one paramore song :P) 

love, Michaela. x

I posted this comment on my friends blog. 
and realised i've let a lot out, and feel better for it. 
So here's to my familiar writings, and everything being ok.

""Things won't start your life for you. You have to start your life for yourself"
this quote touched me, i think it's beautiful. nothing can be said better than with a good quote.


i know we haven't known each other long.
but i wanted to get this out, and you're the reason why, so i figured i'd tell you.

I used to write a lot. i could right pages and pages about everything running through my head. it used to make things better, make me deal with things easier. it was just time consuming.

i read all your blogs today, i realised i couldn't sleep because there was so much going through my head, about the attack, about work, about sixth form, and about people in general. hearing that your best wishes are with a few of your friends and me (assuming no other of your friends have been attacked, though if they have, i feel for them) made me smile, to think you care after only a few days, makes me very happy, and reading how people deal with pain differently, made me think.

i deal/t with pain differently. there is always one thing that runs through my mind, and i know you know what i mean, which is pretty shit to be honest, but writing has always helped ,and maybe that's why i'm in such a mess now, because i've stopped writing.

so thanks lucinda, luby, my fellow paramore freak, you've inspired me to write like i used to. like i know you do, and i know our idol does.

much love, Miki xxx

i'll write more tomorrow. i'll explain things better i think.